There and back agai- nooooo, I won t go back ever again
by CaitlinSmoak
Summary: Lothiriel lives the perfect life every girl dreams of. But all she dreams of is to see the world, get to know new people, make friends, go on an adventure and above all, not to be treated like a child. She thinks the war will be her opportunity. She has no idea how right she is.
1. Prologue

The original story was written by Professor Tolkien , I´m not making money with this story and write only for my and my reader´s amousement. All characters belong to him.

I try to take a new look at the relationship between Lothiriel of Dol Amroth and Eomer. I don´t believe in the slightest that everything in middle earth is all happy sappy, with unicorns and flowers. After all, feminism wasn´t invented in the middle ages...

December 2nd, 3018, 3rd Age

City of Dol Amroth

The Palace

Slowly but steadily, Lothiriel, Princess of Dol Amroth and at the moment highest ranking lady of Gondor, slipped from her dreams into reality. She had dreamed of her mother, how she loved to read to her after the evening meal. Dreams of her mother were her favourite. But the young woman started to wake, to feel the silken sheets under her fingers and tangled around her legs, smell the salty breeze that welcomed her through the opened balcony door and hear the everlasting cries of the sea gulls.

Opening her green eyes, she took a deep breath to prepare her for the new day and its trials. She sat up, stood from the bed and walked a few paces, until she stood on her little balcony. She took a deep breath to take in the familiar salty air, which, although it was already December, was enjoyably warm. Lothiriel let her gaze wander.

Directly beneath her balcony, there was a small rose garden with flowers her mother had planted. In the right corner stood a huge willow tree, its branches even reaching the bottom of Lothiriel´s balcony. Underneath the willow, Lothiriel´s mother had her last resting place. On the opposite side of the garden was a wooden fence, and directly behind it the cliffs. A hidden staircase was the only way down to that part of the beach, a secluded area for the Prince of Dol Amroth and his family to enjoy.

On the left side of Lothiriel´s chamber, beyond the palace, the town of Dol Amroth lay busy in the morning sun, already shining brightly on another perfect day. On the very end on could see the famous harbour with all the ships coming in and leaving in constant trafic. To the right, a spit of land reached out into the ocean and formed the bay, and on its very end stood a lighthouse.

Lothiriel´s sigh was carried away with the wind. She lived in a dreamland. She was a princess in a magical place where everyday was just as bright as the last one, where her every wish was fulfilled by servants and where she had to long for nothing to be happy. Every girl in the country, no, in the world dreamed to one day wake up and live her life.

Lothiriel hated it.

She hated that every day looked the same, always sunny and bright, with just the gentlest of breezes to cool the skin from the sun. She hated to have to wake up to the same unchanged sceenery every day, to change from her long, flowing, white nightgown into a blue dress, the colour of Dol Amroth. Over her heart, she always fixed a swan brooche her father had given her at her first birthday. She hated to have to go down to breakfast, to sit in the company of her family;

Her father, who always brooded about politics, her older brothers Amrothos and Erchirion, who treated her like she was not worthy of their thoughts. Erchirion´s wife Galadwen, who looked down on her like she was a stupid brat. The servants, who followed her commands, but treated her like she was a ghost, never talking to her and never, ever reacting to her words. The fact that her father and two brothers still treated her like a seven year old who had to be looked after at every moment of the day bothered her to no end. But then again, they never talked to her either, never bothered to ask about her feelings or thoughts.

She hated that after breaking her fast, she had to sit down with a governess and work on her embroidery, her sewing or to read the sam boring poetry. The book she loathed the most was „The maiden´s way to honour and decorum: Guidelines for gondorian girls into matrimony."

When it was time for the noon meal, she went down with her ladies – yes, she had ladies in waiting, who were very eager to be her friends, but whom she would never consider to be friends with – and sat again in silence in her family´s presence. After the meal, she would tell the servants what to prepare for the evening meal and then went on to sit in the garden with her ladies and listen to their gossip, or at least pretend to do so. Every once in a while, they would go down to the beach, but never without guards and a proper chaperone. In this case, the lady Ivriniel, Lothiriel´s aunt, was always eager to have a watchful eye over her niece.

Once it was time to bathe for the evening meal, she was pampered by at least three servants at once who´s only task it was to make her look like the meak princess she ought to be. The evening meal was a special kind of torture, because usually at least her father´s advisors, sometimes also their wifes and in rare cases their whole families took part in the meal, making the tortourous procedure take more time than necessary.

After dinner, Imrahil would take a turn with his daughter about the rose garden and visit his wife´s grave, the only time of the day Lothiriel had any kind of contact with him.

Once in her chamber, Lothiriel had an hour or so for herself. She would usually sit on the balcony and write in her diary, the only activity of the day she ought to do that she enjoyed. Finally, two maids would attend her and make her ready for bed. That meant she had to stay still in the middle of her round room on the top floor of the highest tower, while the two girls stripped her of all clothes and hoist a large, white, nightgown over her head which could very well have served as a tablecloth.

When Lothiriel lay awake in bed, she imagined the most adventurous stories. She would ride to a faraway land and marry an entirely poor man, have at least a dozen children with him, but be loved and happy until their end. Or she would go sailing with Elphir, her oldest brother, and togethter they would travel to the most beautiful places and stay there forever. Lothiriel had to sigh again. Elphir was her favourite brother by far. He was captain of the army and her father´s heir, so he was often away, either on diplomatic missions or on a land campaign. In these dark days, it was the latter more often than the former. But when he was at home, he always brought her a gift, if only a small one, and he always made time for his little sister.

Looking down at her mother´s grave, Lothiriel couldn´t help but shed a small tear. After her dear mother´s death, everybody in the family had coped differently.

Her father had retreated into his study, only coming out for meals. More and more, he would ride to Minas Tirith to make plans with her uncle Denethor, the Stuard of Gondor, and he would never speak or play with her anymore, only when it came to her education. He was determined to turn Lothiriel into a maid of highest honour and virtue, and thus desireable for every Lord in the land and beyond. In this matter, he had the highest approval of his sister and daughter-in-law.

Erchirion, her second oldest brother had started to tease and to be mean to her without end, and often playing tricks on her. Whenever they crossed paths, a comment about how childish she behaved was never far behind. Lucky for her, he was the captain of her father´s fleat and often away as well.

Then there was Amrothos, only eleven at the time, only four years older than herself. Without a mother to turn to or a father to guide him, he had clung to Lothiriel as his mother figure. When she coulnd´t cope anymore herself, he had turned to Erchirion and imitated his teasing. Eventually, he had started to train with weapons and enlisted in the army.

And Lothiriel herself … well, she had coped somehow, she didn´t remember much. Only that she had always thought „What would mother want me to do?" Her answer was always the same: Her mother had wanted her to be happy. Little did she know, that her daughter was everything but.

A servants voice brought Lothiriel back to the present.

„Mylady, your Lord father wishes to speak to you in his study. He has requested you dress and come at once."

With a last longing look out onto the ocean, Lothiriel turned and let the procedure begin. Whenever her father requested something of her, she better follow his command, or days of neglection from his part, and teasing from her brother´s parts would follow.

This day, she was being clad into a gown of midnight blue, with pearls all over the satin material. It wasn´t form fitting, she rather felt like waring a sack, but thus were the standards for unmarried girls who still lived in their father´s care without any suitors.

When the maids finally had pinned up her hair in the most intrecate of manners and smoothed everything out, she went to her father´s study, of course acompanied by the two guards who followed her every step. She knocked twice, then waited until she heard „Enter!" and stepped into the room.

To the woman´s surprise, her father and three brothers were gathered behind the huge wooden desk in the center of the study. At her entry, her father looked up.

„Ah, Lothiriel, how wonderful that you could join us so early in the day. I have something important to discuss with you so please listen carefully and remember every detail!

As you know, we live in dangerous times. At my last visit in Minas Tirith, your uncle and I have agreed that Gondor´s armies can not stand still while the shaddow in the east grows ever more powerful. A messanger arrived yesterday with Lord Denethor´s plea for more troups. The essence af all this is the following: Your brothers and I are going to war. Elphir and I on land, Erchirion and Amrothos at sea. Erchirion, as captain of the fleet, will be here once in a while, but until the war is over, you will have to take care of yourself. I have instuctions for my advisors to rule the country, you don´t have to bother yourself with that. Galadwen will be the authority in all matters damestic. you will have to follow her commands if she states them. Do you think you can manage that, daughter?"

Speechless at first, Lothiriel quickl recoverd when she saw her brothers and father staring back at her sceptically.

„It will not be a simple task father. But I am not surprised you would do your duty and I would expect no less from my brohters. I´m sure my sister-in-law will do a remarkable job, and there is always aunt Ivriniel to help. In every case, I will assist Galadwen whenever I can."

She smiled a meak little smile to end her little speech.

„Well, that much is true. You better consult your aunt in all important matters, Lothiriel.

But now I must bid you goodbye. We are to leave tomorrow and have much to prepare. We will see ech other again once all of this is over. Have a good day, daughter."

There was no word of approval, no emotional reaction.

After being dismissed, Lothiriel turned and left the study at once. She practically ran to her room, or at least went as fast as was seemly for a lady at 21 years old.

In her chambers, she flung herself onto her bed and laughed. She laughed until her sides burnt from lack of air and propper breathing, but she wouldn´t stop. Finally, after 15 years of the same daily routine, she was going to be free.


	2. Chapter 1

OMG, people actually read my story. I was really surprised to see that, and I´m really thankful for it. So thanks to everyone who just klicked to take a look, but special thanks to everyone who follows the story :-)

The first real chapter is a little bit longer than I wanted it to be, so I hope it´s not too much. Also, if there are any logical or language errors, please let me know. English is not my first language, but I prefer to write in it, thoug that doesn´t mean I won´t make any mistakes.

So, without further ado, here comes the first chapter :-)

December 3rd, 3018, 3rd Age

City of Dol Amroth

The Palace

The courtyard was filled with nights in shining armour. Literally and figuratively. Lothiriel had never seen so many armed men in one spot, and they were only a small part of the host that would be under her brother´s command. Currently, they were checking on their horses and making sure everything was packed for travel. Their commander was standing just a few paces behind her, looking out the window over her shoulder.

„It seems so unreal, doesn´t it? Everybody in their perfect armour with the highest spirit to ride into battle. It´s hard to believe that many of these men won´t come back, anf if they do, will be marked for life."

These words send a shiver down Lothiriel´s spine. Yes, she wanted the people to be happy and able to live in peace. But more than that, she wished for her favourite brother home with her, safe and uninjoured. Without him to keep her sane, she would probably turn mad sooner or later.

„Elphir, promise me you will come back! You know that you´re the only person I really trust here. I need you to came back to me!" Her voice was loaded with emotion and for a second, she wanted nothing more but to throw herself into her brother´s arm and cry. But due to her strict upbringing she did no such thing and stood rooted to the spot. Her brother, though, moved. He gently made her turn around and placed both his heands on her shoulders.

„My dear Lo. It breaks my heart that I have to leave you alone with Galadwen and our aunt. If it were in my power to help you somehow, I would do it, but I only have limited resources myself. I can promise that I will do everything within my power to return safely to our home. I can´t guarantee this, however. So until you wait, you may find it comforting to keep a piece of me by your side. When we are gone, go down to mother´s grave. Between the castle walls and the backside of her grave, you will find a small chest with books and illustrations that I have assembled over the years. You can read them and look at them all you want. It is your task to watch over them, do you understand?"

Lothiriel looked at him with an unreadable expression.

„Of course I will take care of your belongings, brother. I will treasure them as if they were my own, and I will certainly keep them away from our aunt or sister-in-law. You will find everything just as it was when you left."

Then she smiled at him affectionatelly, a smile that she only reserved for her oldest brother.

„Thank you, Elphir. I really don´t know what I would do without you. I love you."

„I love you too, little sister. When all this is over, everything will be better, I promise you."

And with that, he kissed her on the top of her head and made his way into the courtyard.

Once alone, Lothiriel already felt abandoned. She watched the knights in the yard salute her brother as he walked past them to mount his horse. Once in the sattle, he gave the command to depart and the riders fell into a rehearsed formation. When they were gone, everything was quiete.

Lothiriel took one last look out the window of the dining hall.

The yard was abandoned now, only a stable hand was crossing it. Slowly it dawned on Lothiriel that she was now truly alone. Her father had already departed in the morning Archirion and Amrothos shortly afterwards. And now that Elphir was gone too, she should feel free and happy to do as she pleased because for once in her life, nobody watched her every step. But instead, she felt lonely and small, like an puppy without its mother. She knew she had wanted to do everything she was usually forbidden, but she had no idea what exactely that was.

Go for a ride? Most of the horses were gone, and the few left were either too old or too young to be ridden.

Go to the beach for a swim? She was down there regularly with her ladies, and frankly, she loathed the salty water just as much as her picture perfect life. It only ever left ugly stains.

Run through the palace without bothering anyone? This suddenly seemed to have no appeal whatsoever.

And while Lothiriel slowly turned away from the window and faced the white marble of the dining hall, it dawned on her that she didn´t have any purpose in her life. She had been raised to be a lady, and that meant one thing only: to pop out children for some noble lord. And as hard as she tried to think of anything else that her tutoring had been good for, she couldn´t find any other reason. The thought left her angry.

Why, by the Valar, where gondorian women doomed to serve men like they were not people, but property? Why couldn´t they decide for themselfes what they wanted to do with their lifes? Sure, she wanted to have kids. Someday. With a man she loved and who respected her. But that coudn´t be her sole purpose in this life.

„Lothiriel of Dol Amroth, step away from the window at once!", a harsh voice claimed her attention.

She had not noticed that she had been standing on the same spot for quite some time now, and her aunt was regarding her with a sorrowful expression.

* * *

„I know that your family is gone now, and that must seem quite dreadful to you. But that is no excuse to be idle and melancholy. You still have to work on your skills with the needle, and this afternoon, Galadwen wants you to sit with her and read. Usually Erchirion would be doing that, but since he is gone as well, you will have to take over. You know how she depends on her daily routine." And with that, Lothiriel was shoved away to the sitting room to work – yet again – on her domestic skills.

Time flew by, and before she knew it, it was March. The old year had passed and the new one had come, the year even started to get slightly warmer as the days passed by, but the shaddow in the east had grown evermore. Lothiriel feared for her family. Even though she only interacted with Elphir regularly, she wanted everyone to come home. It just wasn´t the same knowing they could be killed every minute.

Lothiriel´s days had not changed as much as she had wanted them to. True, she could eat her meals whenever she wanted, wherever she wanted. But she was still chaperoned, and her aunt and sister-in-law were eager to further educate her in all womenly ways they saw fit for a princess. Besides her sewing, she was expected to have at least basic knowledge in cooking and cleaning herself up. Apparently, her so eager servants would stay in the palace once a suitable match was found, and she would be expected to take care of herself.

Her aunt insistet on her practising the lyra and singing. She had some knowledge about it, as she had already learnt to play and sing in her early teenage years, but she had never been good and had given up after she turned „an elegant female should always be able to entertain her guests, and be it only one song!", her aunt had stated.

Also, she had now taken up the duty to read to Galadwen before she went to bed. Her sister in law had given birth to her first child a week after the passing of the old year. Lothiriel had not been allowed in the room when the baby was delivered, but soon after she found that her nephew was an excellent distraction, and the focus wasn´t on her as much as it used to be. This gave her a little bit of free time to inspect the content of Elphir´s goodbey present.

Indeed, when she had gone down to visit her mother´s grave the day her brother had left, she had found the chest and had taken it straight up to her room. She had been careful not to run into anyone while carrying it up the tower and once in her room, she had locked the door and made sure she was alone twice before she had placed the chest on her bed and sat down.

It wasn´t overly large, she could carry it comfortably with both arms, but while walking up the steps it had become quite heavy and she had been glad she could put it down.

Fabricated out of wood, the sides were strenghthend with metal and the lit was held in place by a lock. Fortunately for her, she didn´t need a key as it was unlocked, and she had dared to open it.

Inside, she had found about ten books, none of them very large, some drawings of the see, but also of herself as a small girl. In fact, most of the pictures showed her, playing in the sand of sitting on her father´s lap. And then there was one painting she had cried over for almost an hour. It showed a beautiful woman with black hair and green eyes. She sat upon a rock and watched out over the ocean. She wasn´t young and had small wrinkels around her eyes, but that only added to her powerful aura. In her hand, she cradled a small bundle that couldn´t be anything else but a baby.

On the bottom of the page, an inscription read:

 _Miriel, Princess of Dol Amroth_

 _Beloved wife, friend and mother_

She could hardly remember her mother, and seeing this picture, painted by her eldest brother with such affection had made her heart melt. Lothiriel had decided to frame the picture and put it on her nightstand. She was sure that Elphir wouldn´t mind.

The content of the books varied. Some were poetry, one was about appropriet behaviour for young noblemen and nights, and then there were about six books with strange marks on their covers. They looked like horses, and there often was a sun depicted with them, or a mountain. Lothiriel had never seen anything like it and had suspiciously opend one of them.

 _Rohan. A History_ , _by Dernhelm of the Westmark_

it read.

Curiously, the princess had read it within two days. The other ones were about rohirric customs or folk stories, and one even contained basics of the rohirric language. It was Lothiriel´s favourite.

Every evening before bed and every morning before breakfast, she practised a little Rohirric. The language fascinated her, although she probably butchered the pronounciation. It was a new pasttime activity for her and she enjoed it emensly, thinking of little else for months. One day around the passing of the year, she had become so absorbed in her thoughts that her aunt had to slap her in the face to make her notice anything else. As Lothiriel was a decent liar, she had been able to safe the situation by telling her that she was thinking of her brothers and father who were still somewhere in the country fighting.

Elphir´s gift had lighned up her mood somewhat, a change which appealed to her aunt and sister-in-law very much. And so the three women shared a lif in the palace of Dol Amroth, until one day in March, the sky grew dark.

Not dark like before a storm or at a full moon. This darkness was absolute, one could hardly see his hands, and the city lay still in dreading anticipation of what was to come. Nobody went out of their houses in fear of not finding their way back. The stables lay unnaturally still, and even the seagulls were deadly quiet.

But as quickly as it had come, it vanished as well. From one moment to the next, it was like the world was born again. Lothiriel felt like a wave of dirt and dust brushed over the land before washing into the ocean, and the world was clean again, whole, like it hadn´t been for a long time.

A week after this wonderous event, a messager came, delivering several letters.

For his aunt he brought letters from her father and her cousin Faramir, for Galadwen from Erchirion and for her from her father and Elphir.

Her fathers not was short, only stating the most important facts about what had happened, and comanding her to stay in Dol Amroth until he came home or decided otherwise. Apparently there was a new king to be crowned, and Lothiriel wasn´t allowed to attend. She didn´t long to attend the coronation, either.

However, her brother´s letter was considerably longer and far more interesting to her. As soon as she held it in hand, she made her way to her mother´s grave and sat under the willow tree.

 _Dear Lo,_

 _I´m certain you are quite anxious to her everything that has come to pass, but let me first assure you that I´m uninjoured and in the best of conditions. Father is fine as well, Erchirion has a few scrathes, and Amrothos has a broken arm, but is of excellent spirit._

 _We have been fighting big and small battles throughout the country these last months, and I cannot say that I enjoy war. I long ot come home and see my beloved ocean again, and of course my little sister. About four weeks ago we received a missive that Minas Tirith was to be attacked, so we made our way there immediatelly. Unfortunately we were late and the city already under seige. Our forces were needed, and in the darkest hour, help came in form of the riders of Rohan. I have to admit, I was never so glad to hear a horn as I was in that moment. They took care of a large part of the enemy´s forces. And onother party came to the rescue; the heir of Isildur, wielding his ancestor´s blade, arrived with the army of the dead and wiped the city clean of all evil. He is the one to be crowned king in a month´s time._

 _After the battle of the Pelennor, a war counsil was held. There we were informed that uncle Denethor has passed. Apparently he tried to burn Faramir alive because he had lost all hope. Faramir, though, survived and is currently in charge of the city. We also learned of the fate of the lady Eowyn. She is niece to the late king Theoden, who fell on the Pelennor. She disguised herself as a man and rode with the army all the way to Gondor. There, she slayed the witch king of Angmar, only with the help of one small Hobbit, but was nearly killed by it. Can you imagine, Lo, a woman in battle?_

 _The counsil decided to attack Mordor directly, for another Hobbit apparently held the weapon to destroy Sauron forever. His name is Frodo Baggins and he is currently on the mend in our camp. To shorten the story a littel bit, the battle was one due to Frodo´s curage, and although many men gave their lifes to protect the country, we can now live in peace again._

 _And not everything was negative as I have made some friends among the Rohirrim. That´s the name the people from Rohan give themselves. Amrothos and Erchirion don´t seem to get along very well with their earthly sense of humour, but I think it´s quite the refreshing difference to Gondor´s still and formal court. Their new king, Eomer, who is brother to the beforementioned Eowyn, is a very agreeable man. He is very young for a king and doesn´t believe he is fit for the position, but I haven´t seen any man his age make decisions as wisely as him. Although his uncle is not even buried yet, some of his men already urge him to find, and I quote „a gondorian beauty to bring back home". He himself is less than enthousiastic about marriage. But that might have something to do with the fact that his sister intents to marry Faramir. Yes sister, our eternal bachellor is in love and is happy to be so for the rest of his life._

 _But I think I have explaned everything as best as I could. When I return home, we shall speak about everything you wish to know. In the meantime, I´d like to know how you liked my little present. I hope it was to your taste._

 _I wish you all the best, my Lo._

 _Until I see you again_

 _Love, Elphir_

In the beginning, Lothiriel was a little overwhelmed with all the information, but after some days, she had processed everything. She was relieved beyond end that Elphir was alive and well, and she even felt a little happy about her father and other brothers to be healthy as well. She read the letter again and wished dearly she could travel to the capital, but she knew it was in vain. She liked the sound of the lady from Rohan very much and hoped that she would at least be invited to the wedding. She wanted to get to know and was very curious who had been able to steal her cousin´s heart.

After dinner that day, her aunt took her for a walk in the gardens. She told her of a few events she already knew about, and also that she would be travelling to Minas Tirith for the wedding.

„It is a shame that your father won´t let you go. He should introduce you into society and start looking for a husband. What better opportunity than a royal wedding. But Imrahil was always stubborn, too stubborn for his own good."

Her aunt continued to babbel on for quite some time, but Lothiriel only listened with one ear. She dreaded nothing more than to be married to a high and mighty lord and to dwell the rest of her life in a place she didn´t know and didn´t like.

She continued to think about the topic, even whe she lay in her bed and sleep would not come. The light of the day faded, the moon made his way across the sky, and when it was nearly at the end of its course, Lothiriel had an idea. She quickly reread the letter to make sure she had gotten everything right, and then sat down at her vanity.

It was time to write an answer for Elphir.


End file.
